Every step of the way
by Dragonmyst
Summary: Tag to Cui Bono-Beka deals with the insecurities Sid brought about


Title: Every step of the way

Author: MysticDragon

Rating: PG-13 

Genre: Angst

Pairing: strong B/D friendship

Spoilers: TPTWHE: IMALL: CB

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. They belong to Tribune and the actors that portray them.

Dylan lay tossing and turning. After what seemed to him to be an eternity but in reality was only a few hours, he sat up in bed. 

'I am never going to get any sleep this way.' He thought. 

Every time he closed his eyes he saw a different image of Beka's face. The shock and fear when she first saw Sid on the viewscreen, the hurt and betrayal when he told her they were escorting Sid to the elections, the anger when he told her she should apologize, and the sadness and regret when he had left her to her memories on the Maru.

'She didn't deserve any of that.' He thought angrily. 'I was supposed to protect her, not cause her even more pain.'

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his door chime. Rising, he walked toward the door, wondering who could possibly be visiting him at such a late hour.

The door slid open to reveal Beka, standing with her back to the door almost as if she had changed her mind and was about to walk away. At the sound of the opening door, she turned and looked up at Dylan. He was shocked and dismayed to notice how pale she was even in the dim lighting. Quickly reaching out, he took her arm and gently pulled her into the room, letting the door shut behind her.

"Beka, what is it? What's wrong?" he asked gently.

Instead of answering, she shook her head and looked down at the floor as if it were the most interesting thing she had ever seen.

"Beka?" 

"I…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I shouldn't have woken you up." She muttered, trying to push past him toward the door.

"I wasn't asleep and I don't mind. Please tell me what's wrong. Let me help." He said pleadingly.

"It's silly. It was just a bad dream." She tried to leave again but he stopped her.

"About Sid?" he asked.

Two simple words but they were all it took to break the fragile control she had over her emotions. Beka broke into sobs and seemed to deflate right before Dylan's eyes.  He caught her up in his arms and gently carried her to the bed, laying her down and covering her up before lying down behind her and wrapping his arms around her gently. He held her and let her cry, silently cursing himself for allowing Sid to hurt her again.

After a while Beka's sobs quieted and she slowly regained control. Turning over she snuggled into Dylan's arms.

"Thank you." She said quietly.

 "Want to tell me about your nightmare?" He asked timidly after a few minutes.

Beka took a deep breath and the slowly nodded. She paused a minute to gather her thoughts and then slowly began to retell the horror she had experienced.

"In the dream, Sid won the election. The entire crew was invited to the celebration held afterward. I didn't want to go but you said I had to, that it was expected. For some reason all of you went ahead of me. When I got there I didn't see any of you but I did see Sid. He was waiting for me by the door. He called me Rocket and said that he had been waiting for me. Then suddenly his eyes became milky white. He said it was time for me to accept my father's legacy. You came up to us carrying a little box. I wanted to run away but Tyr came up behind me and grabbed me to stop me from moving. Sid opened the box. It had a little bottle of flash in it. I begged you to help me but you just laughed and said that Sid was right. That's when I noticed that your eyes were white too." She broke off here as the pain of the memories became too great. After several minutes she continued. "Sid took the box from you and gave you the vial of flash. I tried to fight Tyr but Rommie came up and help my head still so I couldn't move it. Then Harper pried my left eye open and Trance did the same to my right eye. They all had white eyes, even Rommie. You…you held the dropper above my face and told me that soon everything would be all right. You said I might as well stop fighting since everyone knew I was too weak to resist the cravings for much longer anyway. You said I might as well give in since you all knew I was nothing better than a junkie, just like my dad. I screamed that you were wrong, that I was stronger than he was and then everything turned white. That's when I woke up." She sobbed. "It isn't the first time I have had dreams like that." She added so softly he had barely heard her.

Dylan was stunned. He had never imagined she had experienced anything as awful as that. He couldn't bring himself to say anything at the moment so instead he simply drew her tighter into the embrace of his arms.

After a while Beka's breathing grew quieter and Dylan knew she had fallen asleep. Tightening his grip on her as if afraid someone was going to snatch her away, Dylan allowed his own tears to fall.

Several hours later, Beka began to stir slightly. At first she was confused as to where she was and who was with her but slowly the memories resurfaced. Sighing heavily she opened her eyes to find Dylan staring at her. She offered him a timid and slightly embarrassed grin.

"Hi." She said.

"Hi."

"So," she continued awkwardly drawing away from him slightly to get a better look at his face, "I guess I should really go back to my quarters."

He didn't respond, only continued to look at her.

"Dylan?" she asked.

Breaking his gaze, he turned onto his back and stared hard at the ceiling.

Sighing, Beka said, "Okay, spill it. What are you thinking?"

"Do you hate me?" he asked quietly.

"Hate you?" she asked stunned. "For what?"

"For what?" he echoed bitterly. "For letting Sid aboard instead of firing on his sorry ass the second I knew who he was. For forcing you to go through hell just because I was ordered to escort Sid to Sinti. You should hate me. I hate myself."

"Dylan, I don't blame you for what happened. Please don't blame yourself." 

"I can't help it, Beka." He said sadly. "After you almost died from the flash, I promised I would help you; that I would be with you every step of the way. Instead I pushed you right into Sid's grasp."

Both were silent for a while, each thinking their own thoughts.

"I don't hate you Dylan. And I don't blame you. You did what you had to do. And maybe I did what I needed to do as well. Now that I have faced Sid, I can start facing my other fears as well. I trust you Dylan to be with me, to keep your promise. Even when the steps I have to take are backward ones."

Looking at her, he nodded slightly. She smiled sadly and then climbed out of the bed and left the room. Once in the hallway, she faltered slightly before straightening her back and standing tall. Putting one foot in front of the other determinedly, she began retracing steps she had walked once before and now admitted she would probably walk again; steps of self-doubt and insecurity. But looking down she could almost imagine a second set of prints walking beside her, supporting her every step of the way.


End file.
